GIRL CRUSH


There’s a huge amount of awkwardness involved in going up to an unsuspecting girl and asking her if she’s had a girl-crush before. Her immediate reaction will be to cringe, giggle too long to make up for the cringing and then ask in a tiny voice, ‘why?’ It’s impossible not to feel like one is propositioning. This is why facebook seemed like the perfect way to conduct interviews. Unfortunately, none of the girls in my fbfam (uninspired acronym for facebook family) were willing to talk about their crushes until thoroughly reassured that these crushes are not a lascivacious affair.

The process of reassurance required effort, so I persuaded a kind young man named Nyeko Ken to be a girl for fifteen minutes.  We had a few false starts during which he cited his lack of boobs as a serious hindrance to his act but when reminded that he was in fact in possession of wee vestigial ones and self image was hardly a thing to get into at the time, He said, ‘As a girl, I like boys. I think they’re awesome desirable beings and no amount of sweet and nice traits in my girlfriends will ever persuade me to stop paying all my attention to these enthralling creatures.’

A girl crush refers to a strong adoration that a heterosexual woman develops for another on account of her sophistication, charm, wit, amazingly relevant blog, great shoe collection etcetera.  The reasons behind it are as numerous as the crushers and crushees. One thing is clear though. They’re based more on personality than on looks or money.  It’s the female equivalent of the bromance. If you are a boy, you cannot have a girl-crush. What you’re feeling is called infernal lust. It’s called a base craving and probably won’t come to any good, so be far from the poor girl.

Damalie was excited about making a contribution to the article but first, she needed one thing to be clarified. Did the term girl-crush refer to a dainty/little car crash or did it mean a crush on a girl? When things were cleared up, she named Eva Longoria as her girl-love. ‘I dig her too much. Her style, wardrobe, drama, this woman is amazing.’

This is Daphne’s story: I met this beautiful girl who was just so…smart. I think I’d ask her to marry me on the spot if I were a boy. She’s, understanding, non judgmental and we seem to have a lot to talk about. On principle, she never gossips, always thinks before she speaks, has amazing opinions and is just so…sensible. I want to be like her in every way.

If movies, Rihanna and boarding school are anything to go by, females aren’t usually wild about other females. Sure, they can tolerate each other, even form friendships but an odd sort of resentment lingers. Every girl would like to be the only girl in the world. This paragraph is so baseless that we’re going to turn to social scientists for our next hypothesis.

According to them, women have always had such feelings of adoration for each other. They claim that this is a part of women’s nature which has been kept alive by evolution because it makes women bond and co-operate. This was probably essential in the days when there was only one career choice for all the females on earth; the gathering of fruits and nuts. There was obviously a problem of over crowdedness at work that Mother Nature cleverly solved by making all of them fall a little bit in love with each other.

Soho Cafe and grill is a nice coffee shop in Kampala. It is also my friend on facebook. Because it is a shop, its sex was never an issue until our interview which went like this:  Hello Soho. Are you a girl? Because if you are, I’d like to interview you about girl crushes.

To which it answered: ‘I haven’t ever had an ultra sound to check, but in the meantime, could we amuse you with a strawberry crush?’ Which- you have to agree- is a very clever response for a coffee shop.

So how long do they last? Louise says, ‘Not very long. I had one for about fifteen minutes on a gem of a girl I met once. She made me feel comfortable about myself and it was a joy to be around her. She’s not in the country anymore but I still think fondly of her.’

According to Maureen, these crushes are usually indicators of long friendships to come. She says, ‘I’ve never befriended a girl who I haven’t had an enormous crush on first. It’s the attractive aspects of her personality that make you want to draw close to her in the first place, and when that is done, a friendship naturally follows.

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One thought on “GIRL CRUSH

  1. Pingback: I KNOW SOME AWESOME WOMEN | Soused. No really.

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