Ideas, brilliantly articulated arguments and discussion of things other than sex, drugs and Rock n’ Roll by people who at their age should be thoroughly engrossed in nothing but (or so some people would argue), is what ideologue is about. Last Saturday night, this group met at workers house and a journalist, a most vigilant creature, a hawkeyed reporter of honor and refinement was sent forth to cover this event. I am not this reporter.
This is what went down:
The event got off to a late start, which was great for the hot dog stand because if there’s anything people can stand even less than late beginnings, it’s awkwardly having nothing to do as they wait. Shivering Idealogians nibbled at (but mostly clutched) their hotdogs and made halting conversation with the strangers around them.
Presentation I was by Lambert, a DJ-economist, who began by attributing his presence and general success in life to a fanatically lactating cow (dubbed Bessie).With the help of Sizzaman’s Ring Ring, he gave tips on how to rock, make lots of cash and generally be awesome, but I missed much of that because I was too busy contemplating the size of Bessie’s udders. To be responsible for Lambert’s success in life, that cow would’ve had to lactate a LOT.
Then came Douglas, a serial commenter who tried to convince us that Lambert’s use of ring ring was such a genius and singular innovation that it’d send Mark Zuckerberg back to the boardroom, if he ever heard about it.
Presenter II was Dr. Lillian who took on the task of enlightening us about environment and its effect on human behavior but mostly succeeded in defining, very thoroughly, what Environment meant to her. I quote, “When you’re doing, you’re walking, Then you pause, which is a state of being, you with me?” Her slide show contained a plate on which ENOUGH OF THAT! REALLY. ENOUGH! Was written, but she paid it no mind. She left us with a reading list, which made everybody like her a little.
Piankhi Ife- Presenter III was all about feeeeling. In honey-caramel tones, she urged us to feel ourselves. To breathe, place our hands over our heaving bosoms and feel (in retrospect, it’s rather clear why a lot of the guys kept their eyes open). With the help of a guitarist who except for the piercings on his face bore a striking resemblance to Rondo, she sang about recycling polythene and love.
When asked what her topic was, Kampire cocked her head, narrowed her eyes and rasped, ‘Some bullshit’. Her presentation was about how great it would be if people used their imagination a bit more and didn’t let their dreams just shrivel and die with their initiation into adulthood. It was just as badass as the rasping. She blew people away, made them laugh, and woke up even the most chronically bored; really everybody pitied the next presenter.
Then the architecture nerds took over. Isaac talked about socially conscious design, Josephine read a heartbreaking piece about an old building that had been savagely torn down then she anthropomorphized the building and had it say nice stuff about memories and left us with this: ‘What is it about an old wall that beckons us to listen?’ Seriously. What?
A raffle draw was held where despite all of my cheating efforts, I didn’t win. Bernard and Vivian took home vouchers for free meals and everybody hated them for it, with a possible exception of Guy Mambo who asked Viv on the blown up Idealogue facebook page if she could take him along.
Last words were dispensed and the Emcee who’d spent the night mispronouncing every single name that was unfortunate enough to blunder into her eye line finally caught a break.