The word antagoloser doesn’t officially exist, YET(, here I come). It refers to a person who comes into your life purposely to piss you off, without provocation, for some vile reason of their own. You’re not in an argument with this person. Their appearance in your air/web space is in fact something you’re rather happy about until they start to bait you.

An example of somebody who is NOT an antagoloser is the sumbusa woman across the road from whom you buy your breakfast.  When she places the sumbis on the ground, in a position where the dust thrown up by cars whooshing past is most likely to contaminate them, she’s not hating on you. She’s just filthy.

When asked if he’d ever met an antago-loser, Tony says ‘Usually, I’m able to shut such people up before they cramp my style with their rubbish, but last Saturday, I wasn’t so lucky. I was hanging with an OB at steak out who thought that just because he’d been a prefect in school, he still called the shots. The guy punished our ears for hours with boring story upon boring story about the ways he used to punish people in school. We couldn’t tell him were to stuff his nonsense because we needed to hitch his ride to hooters. When we got there and he was still maintaining his ludicrous MO, I gave him what he deserved.

What? A fight?

‘No. I told him, ‘dude? Shut up. We’re looking for fly chicks and you’re still on that weak jazz? Nigga, get your mind out of the 20th century”.

An antago-loser will find you reading a book like ‘Love Is A Dog From Hell’ by Charles Bukowski whose poetry is old, coarse and brilliant, in your opinion. They’ll look you up, down, side to side and say, “Bukowski writes common man poetry” then look away dismissively. You have to be careful not to explode with indignation, because that’s exactly what they want.

Another kind will come up behind you as you write and say ‘The first sentence of that paragraph is lazy. Change it’ as if they know a lot. Jeer.

Martin says that at one point, he had too many people like that on his facebook list, but he recently blocked them. ‘My phone? It has over 10 blocked numbers. I’ve always wondered if they get some sort of kick from goading people, whether they feel nothing unless animosity/ hurt feelings are being directed at them’.

Hanging out with a pretty girl will make you a target, according to Raymond. He says, ‘I used to chill with this girl who some joker named Maurice wanted. He clearly had nothing to say to her, if the way he croaked and gulped around her was anything to go by. Anyway, he came up to us one night and started saying all sorts of funny things about my hair, clothes, even belt. I was like, man. What’re you doing looking at my belt area? He was trying to get her to make some kind of comment, to gauge her level of interest in me.

Others just want to win all the time, be trend setters. If you don’t tuck in like them, they’ll attack. If you don’t wear over-tight briefs like them, they’ll attack harder. This world is home to all sorts of neuroses”.

If you’re a softy, people will target you, says Liz. ‘One of my girlfriends sort of made me her bullseye. She kept snipping at me without provocation for months until I told her to take her drama somewhere else. I’m now a bullshit free corner’.

According to my interviewees, people do such things because:

They don’t quite know how to express a certain way that they’d desperately like to be. For example, they try so hard to appear outspoken/eccentric that they get one everybody’s nerves with wild, unjustifiable opinions.

Bored: Bastards. They’re restless and unhappy and you look so contented and unperturbed in your seat. How dare you not be as aimless and irritable as they are? They plot for the downfall of your peace of mind like people in soaps, speaking loudly to themselves and using both of your names. Like, ‘Musa Nsubuga is going down. Look at him. So happy. I am going to show him’ then they come for you.

Holmes. MBU: Here, the offender is trying to make you seethe with such anger that you’ll spill your guts, tell all your secrets, end up in tears and then decide to write an autobiography dedicated to them. When people come and try to piss you off for nothing, don’t give them the satisfaction of a negative reaction. Giggle.

One thought on “ANTAGOLOSERS

  1. Pingback: THE STATE OF ME « You'll need an umbrella, I think

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s