Islands are wonderful, yes? They bring to mind coconuts, holidays, TV, sexy boys and outside countries, which are all desirable things to have hanging around one’s mind.
They make you feel irie just by existing, man. The only thing that detracts from their swag is that after this article, everybody, including the people that you think you’re better than, the ones you hate, and the ones who don’t deserve friends and God’s love will know how to reach at least one amazing island.
There will even arise a possibility that on the day that both you and your enemy decide to visit this sincerely bombastic island, a bitter rain will fall causing lightening to chong every boat and boat maker on the island. The two of you will then have to join forces to hunt goats and chickens. This is a horrible thing to have to do with one’s enemy.
Bule is a really green, beautiful, cool island. Its one and only short coming is that it doesn’t have butchers, so if you intend to get there, buy meat and roast it by the lake, stop intending. You’ll starve yourself into a bad temper in the midst of such raw, such green, such mind soothing beauty.
To get there, you have to go to the park. Assuming that the drivers haven’t decided to strike and therefore deprive you of an incredible trip, jump into a gaba taxi and continue to the water’s edge where you’ll find a taxiboat stage.
After swarming you, the eager boat touts will give you two alternatives: a special hire boat for 15k or the regular taxi boat for 1500. Island loving peoples, I advise you not to be cheap. Pay the hell out of that special rate. ‘Going native’ is for tourists.
The 1500 boat takes a while to fill up, so of course you’ll have to sit in the hot sun and bake until your melanin is so thickly charred that no amount of fair and lovely will make it even out.
When more and more and more people clamber aboard, you will be reminded that human beings are animals who can sometimes neglect to wear deodorant and stink very heavily as a result. This lamentable stench will stay pressed against your nose until a passing breeze feels sorry for you and blows your way. On an overcrowded boat, you discover some shocking things; for example, did you know that it is possible for the woman next to your right to sweat on you? Copiously?
Anyway, everything becomes irie when the boat begins to move. It’s so full that it’s not so much sailing as dragging itself through the water like a sulky child but there’s just so much pleasure to be got from taking a boat ride that you have to be really really unhappy about the sweating woman next to you to remain grouchy.
Lake Victoria looks like the Sea of Galilee in those Jesus movies, doesn’t it?
There are eight beaches on this Island. Mutola, the one that nobody ever goes to is the coolest, because an empty beach is the same thing as a nude beach. If, like me, you’ve always harbored a desire to unleash your nudeness on nature here’s your chance.
The Four wonders of BULE are:
The Green: which hits you in the face like a hot chick you didn’t know was in a shower stall when you stepped in. The air makes you despair about the filthy variety that we have to make do with in Kampala.
The hunchback : The fact that he’s an insect doesn’t make him less ‘wonderful’. He’s very fat with a crazylarge hump. He’s also dead, which makes his ability to elicit terrified yells even more impressive. When she saw him, Kampire yelped ‘yamawe’, dropped her pineapple and ran into the water so fast that had the water not said ‘Twaleri you’re not Simon Peter’, she’d have bolted across the water right up to Kampala.
Oil and socks: Of the slime caking the shore, Jason said: that water isn’t dirty. That’s oil. And of the birds whose legs had been turned black by this slime, he said: Oh look. The birds are wearing leggings
You can surf: There’s a surfing board at Mutola beach.Never mind that the lake is so calm, so waveless that ducks just be chilling on it.
People, go to our islands. Enjoy Uganda.