There’s not a man alive who doubts his right to have you. Hear that girl in lace dress and jimmy choos? Your car is fabulous, your entumbwe is shaped like perfect and that means nothing to the unwashed guy who sleeps on that patch of grass next to your office. In his head, he stands as much a chance of making the two-backed beast with you as that lawyer boyfriend of yours. The sooner you accept it and stop getting offended by the propositions of boda guys and askaris who waggle their tongues at you, the easier your life will be.
Stereotypes, sweeping statements and generalizations suck butt, but ah. Do you or do you not want to read an article by Apenyo today? Because this entire topic is built on those three things and it’s all I have in my head as a direct result of having been accosted by a group of rubbish collectors today. When I didn’t respond to their hisses and cat calls, they started throwing rubbish at my feet.
I’m puzzled by how so many men believe that the best way to communicate their appreciation to women is hisses and tongue clicks. Do women morph into domestic pets in the eyes of lustful men?
A man’s likelihood to hit on you is determined by his profession. A court clerk is much less likely to waggle his eyebrows at you than, say, a doctor who will be all over you like a bad rash, if you don’t already have one.
Here’s a list of random professions and my analysis of how they relate to women.
Men in advertising: They’re the ones you’ll find in iguana on Thursday, dubbing be-weaved girls with the passion of senior three boys. When they’re not breaking their dance partners, they’re sweet, willing to walk to the bar and elbow people to get you a Smirnoff. They won’t hit on you just like that. They’ll co-gyrate with you peacefully and wait for you to express interest.
Salesmen: These ones are trying to make a living almost every time you see them, so they’re not going to compromise their commission by acting inappropriate. They’ll politely bore you with their lies like “Angelina Jolie wears these vests. It is scientifically proven that they’ll make your lips bigger” and “this frying pan is self cleaning. The moment you transfer your egg to the plate, it will absorb the oil and all odor”.
Bartenders have the best success rate as far as hooking girls that they wouldn’t usually approach. Why? Because humans are wired to be grateful anybody who serves them liquor. When you hit your third drink, they’ll start a conversation or offer you a promo T-shirt, or a free glass of something and then the vibing will begin.
Bank tellers: These ones think that when they handle our money, they handle our hearts as well. There’s one on campus who would write his number on your withdrawal slip and push it back at you through the ka hole in the glass.
Doctors: Maybe it’s the patient-doctor, helpless-savior dynamic that makes them so bold about making advances, but ai. As if you, full of malaria, are in any sort of mood for such.