Of Money Woes And Cute Speakers


If a piece of plastic disappeared every time a Ugandan (a young one especially) moaned about being out of money, the earth’s waste disposal problem would be solved. We wouldn’t be forcing rubbish down the throats of Amazonian fungi.

Yep. Some scientist types have discovered fungi that can consume and digest plastic. All we have to do now is wait for CNN to tell us how, at a slow and steady pace, these fungi have gobbled up all the plastic in the world, and then how they seem to have developed a taste for metal, then  wood, brick, then skin. As they eat their way up the food chain, I’m hoping that these same scientists will be preparing Mars for human habitation because if not, every zombie apocalypse that you’ve seen on M-net is going to become your reality.

I made my first 200bob a little before I joined university. Chamucated with fantasies involving large bathtubs and hot money, I decided to open a DFCU account. I promptly lost my ATM card, probably to one of Steak Out’s toilets and didn’t bother replacing it until recently, when I became paranoid that the bank tellers were marking my irresponsible spending habits and judging me for withdrawing so often.

What cinched it was when, at the end of a certain month, I was informed by a nice teller that my account was in debit. What made this experience terrible was that she followed this declaration with, “By the way, I really like your articles Mildred!” I backed away with a manic smile, vowing to return to her counter the minute my account regained glory.

I’m terrible with money. This is why I cleared my social calendar, grabbed a ticket, stole a pencil and bought a notebook when I learnt that the theme of (the last) Marketeers’ night was to be “A fool and his (her) money are soon parted’.

The speaker was a charming and clean cut man named Philip Odera. On the subject of saving, his first piece of advice was what you’ve heard ever since you were a thirteen year old pimple. Live your life. Be yourself because you have nothing to prove. Peer pressure will be your ruination. When the girls are heading to the newest coffee shop, stay in office and drink the free one there. When the guys are doing whatever it is guys do with their money, buy a saving box, man. Own your financial status and plan accordingly.

A young lady asked if there exists some formula that people can follow to wisely split their salaries to cover obligations, savings and pleasure, emphasizing that one needs to enjoy one’s money in order to be motivated to make and save more. His answer was: Pay yourself first. If you cater to all obligations first, there might not be any left over. Put a fair amount aside as payment to yourself, and let the rest follow.

One Moses asked a question that made me think. He said, “What is this thing called future? What does it mean? In school, I’m told to read hard for the future. University; to work hard for my future. At work, to work hard for some future. What is this monster? I’m living my future, so I’m going to enjoy it.”  This makes sense to me, but hopefully he’s considered that the future of one second away is just as real as the future of 10 years away and at all times, financial maturity and security is a must.

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